PLEASE CLICK ON WISDOM TITLES AND ENJOY
BRAIN TEASER CAT FACTS DOGS IN HEAVEN DO NOT FORGET
FOR THOSE RARE CAT PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT CATS REALLY LOVE YA
GRANDMAS APRON HISTORY EXAM - 1 HISTORY EXAM - 2 HISTORY LESSONS
I ASKED GOD... LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE MIDDLE CHILD BLUES
MOTHERS PEARLS AND OYSTERS PLEASE TAKE THIS TEST QUARTER RECALL
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MIND RANDOM THOUGHTS RULES OF COMBAT
SALT SUPERSTITIONS SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK? STONE PERSON
THE THOUGHTFUL GIFT WHO SAID PIGS ARE STUPID WISDOM THE HARD WAY
THE THOUGHTFUL GIFTThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
Milton, the firstborn son said,"I had a big house built for Ma ma."
Marvin, the secondborn son said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house. "
Michael, the thirdborn son said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600."
Melvin, the baby of the family said, "Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read it any more because she can't see very well. I met this priest who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty priests 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her 'Thank You' notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you give me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
WHO SAID PIGS WERE STUPID ANIMALS ?
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
RAMBLINGS OF A RETIRED MINDThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have m@ss? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Hmmmm?
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is there another word for synonym?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial? Or partially total?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
As the middle-aged woman said: "I'm still a hot babe, only now it just comes in flashes."
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
If you can keep a cool head, while all those around you are "losing it"... perhaps you don't fully understand the situation.
There two signs of senility: The first sign is memory loss, and... hmmm... I don't remember the other one.
GRANDMA'S APRONThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the oven; it was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken-coop the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came those old aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids; and when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove. Chips and kindling-wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled it carried out the hulls.
In the fall it was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees. When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out on the porch and waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields for dinner.
It will be a long time before anyone invents something that will replace that old-time apron that served so many purposes.
- author unknown
I ASKED GOD....AND GOD SAID....NO !!
I asked God...
To take away my habit.....God said, No! It is not for me to take away, but for you to give up.
To make my handicapped child whole.....God said, No! His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
To grant me patience.....God said, No! Patience is a byproduct of tribulations - it isn't granted - it is learned.
To give me happiness.....God said, No! I give you blessings - Happiness is up to you.
To spare me pain.....God said, No! Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares & brings you closer to me.
To make my spirit grow.....God said, No! You must grow on your own - but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
To give me all things that I might enjoy life.....God said, No! I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
To help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.....God said, Ahhhh! Finally you have the idea.
BRAIN TEASERThis teaser is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
The Terrill family includes Mr. and Mrs. Terrill and their teenage son, Johnny. The family owns 4 vehicles: a roadster, a sedan, a popular new gas-guzzling sports-utility vehicle, and a pickup truck. What vehicle is the usual transportation for each family member, and what is the color of each of the 4 vehicles? You may assume that the following statements are true--no lies, no tricks.
1. Mr. Terrill drives the white vehicle, which is not the sedan to and from work daily.
2. The truck has fewer miles on it than the yellow vehicle, the green vehicle, or the white vehicle.
3. The vehicle Johnny drives to school is not the roadster.
4. One vehicle, which is green, is over 50 years old and is used only during antique car rallies.
5. Mrs. Terrill prefers to drive the red vehicle.
Who drives what vehicle and what is its color?
Scroll down for answer
From statement 1,
Mr. Terrill drives a white vehicle, which is not the sedan.
From statements 2 & 5,
Mrs. Terrill drives the pickup truck which is red.
From statement 3,
the vehicle Johnny drives to school is not the roadster,
and from statement 4,
since the two vehicles remaining for Johnny are the sedan and the sports utility vehicle, he drives the SUV which is brand new. It is yellow.
The antique vehicle is the sedan; it is green.
Mr. Terrill - white roadster
Mrs. Terrill - red truck
Johnny - Yellow SUV
and the antique car is a green sedan.
There is second answer to this brain teaser. From statement 4, Johnny may drive the yellow sedan, because the information given does not say the sedan is the antique. Some people would assume it is the antique. If Johnny drives the sedan, then Mr. Terrill would have to drive the white SUV and the roadster would be the green antique.
Click Here for more Traps a.k.a Brain Teasers.
SALT SUPERSTITIONSThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
Why are you supposed to throw salt over your shoulder after you spill it?
Superstitions about salt date back to biblical times when salt was a highly prized commodity. It was expensive, crucial in preserving food, and was often used in lieu of currency. So spilling salt was considered an almost sacrilegious offence, and left one perilously exposed to the devil's machinations.
Throwing salt over your shoulder is akin to blessing someone after they've sneezed -- it's a way of keeping the devil at bay while you're in an especially vulnerable moment. Depending on your interpretation, the salt is either intended to blind the devil so he can't witness your error, or keep him from sneaking up on you while you're cleaning up your mess.
It's important to note that the superstition calls for the offender to throw salt over the left shoulder. As one web site notes, many ancient traditions place the devil to the left of the straight and narrow path. The classic image of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other often shows the sinister imp sitting on the left side.
And if you want to really follow the letter of the law, you're encouraged to throw the salt with your "good," or right hand. Throughout history, the association of right with good and left with bad caused a number of perfectly respectable left-handed people to be burned at the stake.
LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSEThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
TEXAS QUARTER RECALLThis joke is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
Hold on to your Texas quarters. They may become collector's items.
The United States Treasury has announced they are recalling the new Texas quarters. "We are recalling all of the new Texas quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Russell Shackelford said in a press conference Monday.
"This comes in the wake of numerous reports to this agency that the quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices. We believe the problem lies in a design flaw," said Skackelford.
The winning design for the Texas quarter was submitted by Texas A and M student William Doutrieux.
Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices.
HISTORY EXAM - 1This exam is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
DON'T CHEAT AND LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR THE ANSWERS!!!
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.
This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20.
Write the letter of each answer and score at the end.
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift knob
b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch
c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
c. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
b. Nash Metro
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
a. Strips of dried peanut butter
b. Chocolate licorice bars
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
a With clamps, tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot
c. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
a. Consider all the facts
b. Ask Mom
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's?
12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
a. Old Blue
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
a. Part of the game of hide and seek
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajawea
c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students d o when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bu bble gum
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?
a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco?
a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin
Scroll down for the answers.
1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late 60's to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was a nother puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today..
SCORING 17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom! 12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there! 0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.
MOTHERSThis information is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch Tape is.
2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We are related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad is such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power because that's who you have to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them.
Describe the world's greatest mom?
1. She would be able to make broccoli taste like ice cream.
2. The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts.
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter -- then she would know my sister did it and not me.
FARMERS WISDOMThis wisdom is on many forums, some of which are not copyrighted.
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
AUTHENTIC PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTThis test is on many forums, some of which are not copyrighted.
A girl, at the funeral of her mother, met a man whom she did not know. She thought he was amazing, her dream guy, and she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and could not find him after the funeral. A few days later the girl killed her sister.
What is her motive in killing her sister?
Give this some thought before you scroll down to the answer.
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the sister's funeral.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took this test and answered it correctly.
If you didn't answer correctly - good for you....If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list ... unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.
STONE PERSONThis story is on many websites, some of which are not copyrighted.
My grandfather took me to the fish pond on the farm when I
was about seven, and he told me to throw a stone into the
water. He told me to watch the circles created by the
stone. Then he asked me to think of myself as that stone
"You may create lots of splashes in your life but the
waves that come from those splashes will disturb the peace
of all your fellow creatures," he said.
"Remember that you are responsible for what you put in
your circle and that circle will also touch many other
circles. You will need to live in a way that allows the
good that comes from your circle to send the peace of that
goodness to others. The splash that comes from anger or
jealousy will send those feelings to other circles. You
are responsible for both."
That was the first time I realized each person creates the
inner peace or discord that flows out into the world. We
cannot create world peace if we are riddled with inner
conflict, hatred, doubt, or anger. We radiate the feelings
and thoughts that we hold inside, whether we speak them or
not. Whatever is splashing around inside of us is spilling
out into the world, creating beauty or discord with all
other circles of life.
Remember the eternal wisdom:
WHATEVER YOU FOCUS ON EXPANDS.
FOR THOSE RARE PEOPLE WHO THINK CATS REALLY LOVE 'EM
Posted on many websites, not copyrighted on some.